Wait... didn't all New Yorkers get at least one of these in their mailbox last week?
Dear Potential Victim of Impending Terrorist Attack:
We here at al-Qaeda know how many widespread-death-and-destruction options you have in today's dangerous world so we would like to take a moment just to thank you for choosing to live in New York City, one of our prime metropolitan targets. Your faceless death is important to us! Once again, thank you for choosing New York City.
Terror Distribution Division
And then a day or two later:
Dear Pending National Hero:
We here at the Military-Industrial-Political Complex know how many dying-in-the-name-of-freedom options you have in today's dangerous world so we would like to take a moment just to thank you for choosing to live in New York City, one of our prime promotional event venues. Your heroic death is important to us! Once again, thank you for choosing New York City.
Horror Marketing Division
Parenthetically, I do think they might have chosen separate direct-mail houses. But, whatever. It's not as if we aren't used to this sort of thing from major corporations and the like. Yes, the sentiments are manufactured, but still... I admit I do appreciate the effort. In the old days, the marketers were pleased to settle for the "DMV Model" wherein we all just stood in line and our custom was taken for granted. Now they at least pretend to appreciate us.
And I guess it works even though we know it's just a marketing technique -- otherwise they wouldn't bother. It's not like these guys are in business to lose money, after all. They know we all need to belong somewhere, somehow. They know we all long for meaning and focus in our lives. Back in the day, we had to settle for screwball philosophers and fruitcake teachers to guide us on our way. Now we get it through direct-mailings and commercial brand-name advertising. Much more efficient, and a much better fit with our busy lifestyles.
So! You're welcome, guys! Lemme know if there's anything else I can do, or believe, or buy!
On account of... I wanna be on your team!