Brand New Gay Stereotype, Gratis
Let me introduce you, America, to a brand new gay stereotype you can have, free of charge.
This New Typical Homo (hereinafter, for the time being, "NTH") started wondering about himself when he was in, oh, I dunno, junior high school maybe, but he pretty much kept it to himself because your average NTH isn't stupid. He got a lot more clued-in about himself when he was in high school. Inside he was majoring in sex-(with)-Ed, but on the outside he was keeping things cool. See, your run-of-the-mill NTH gets smarter as the days pass. He has no choice. And he learns to be self-reliant, too. You got to know how to get through things on your own sometimes. Being a young fag, as the Scoutmasters used to say, builds character.
But after all, your joe-blow NTH isn't superman. He's like the rest of us, and he starts getting a little bit tired of all the bullshit. That's the thing, see. One thing your average homo is pretty good at -- not just your NTHs -- is getting fed-up with all the bullshit. So after a while, it's not exactly like he decides to bail out on the bullshit or anything. It just sort of... happens. He's spent the last five or ten years of his life living one of the most intense lies anybody should ever have to live and he just gets, you know, tired of it.
And so once he's lost all patience with his own bullshit, he starts losing patience with everybody else's bullshit too. Pretty soon, you better not lie to him or act phony or anything, or he'll call you out. Right there in front of everybody.
Know why? Because he's fearless. Once you give up on the bullshit, you realize that just about the only way they can really hurt you is with a baseball bat or a gun. Oh, sure, they can fire you, or throw you out of the house, or even find some way to not rent you an apartment. But what the hell does any of that matter if the trade-off is having to sell your soul back into the slavery of bullshit?
That's the thing about honesty and courage. Once you catch those diseases, there are very few cures. Oh, some people get old and worn-out and can't manage it in their last few years. So what else is new? But lessons learned when you are young stay with you, and so a lot of the time you just keep soldiering on being honest and brave.
So what you end up with is some kid who will both tell you the truth and demand it from you, and who will step up and do what needs to be done when it needs to get done.
I'm no good at coming up with names for new gay stereotypes for America to start chewing on, but we have to call this new cat something besides NTH, so I'm just going to call him what he is: a straight-shooter.
Yeah, go ahead and make your nasty jokes. I'll tell you what. The puns are intended.
Your typical straight-shooter, that'd be a guy like Robert Stout. Heh. "Stout". Perfect name for the first publicly identified example of the new straight-shooter gay stereotype.
Actually, he's Sgt. Robert Stout, of the 9th Engineer Battalion based in Schweinfurt, Germany. Well, that's where they are now. Earlier, they spent a year in Iraq where Sgt. Stout was wounded by grenade shrapnel in his arm, face and legs. He was operating a machine gun on top of an armored Humvee when it happened, just a year ago this coming May. Now that he's all fixed up and is showing off his shiny new Purple Heart for Mr. & Mrs. America and all the ships at sea, he wants to return to his unit but of course he mentioned he was a homo and so now the Army wants him cashiered.
I think when Sgt. Stout gets finished with his career in the service (or has it finished for him), he ought to go into politics. That's what we want in our politicians, right? Straight-shooters? People with courage and who will tell you the truth? That's what we always keep saying to each other anyway. "We want straight-shooters who are brave and will tell us the truth!"
I'll bet you one whole American dollar that Sgt. Stout would make a classier politician, by far, than the miserable, gutless, lying, manipulative cowards we've got in the Republican Congress right now. By a factor of ten, I'd say. Maybe twelve.
Let me tell you something. Growing up a fag in America makes a man out of you. That's the truth out of which you're new gay stereotype will grow. You're so fucking good at gay stereotypes, America. Let's just see if you have the balls for this one.