Brand New Gay Stereotype, Gratis
Let me introduce you, America, to a brand new gay stereotype you can have, free of charge.
This New Typical Homo (hereinafter, for the time being, "NTH") started wondering about himself when he was in, oh, I dunno, junior high school maybe, but he pretty much kept it to himself because your average NTH isn't stupid. He got a lot more clued-in about himself when he was in high school. Inside he was majoring in sex-(with)-Ed, but on the outside he was keeping things cool. See, your run-of-the-mill NTH gets smarter as the days pass. He has no choice. And he learns to be self-reliant, too. You got to know how to get through things on your own sometimes. Being a young fag, as the Scoutmasters used to say, builds character.
But after all, your joe-blow NTH isn't superman. He's like the rest of us, and he starts getting a little bit tired of all the bullshit. That's the thing, see. One thing your average homo is pretty good at -- not just your NTHs -- is getting fed-up with all the bullshit. So after a while, it's not exactly like he decides to bail out on the bullshit or anything. It just sort of... happens. He's spent the last five or ten years of his life living one of the most intense lies anybody should ever have to live and he just gets, you know, tired of it.
And so once he's lost all patience with his own bullshit, he starts losing patience with everybody else's bullshit too. Pretty soon, you better not lie to him or act phony or anything, or he'll call you out. Right there in front of everybody.
Know why? Because he's fearless. Once you give up on the bullshit, you realize that just about the only way they can really hurt you is with a baseball bat or a gun. Oh, sure, they can fire you, or throw you out of the house, or even find some way to not rent you an apartment. But what the hell does any of that matter if the trade-off is having to sell your soul back into the slavery of bullshit?
That's the thing about honesty and courage. Once you catch those diseases, there are very few cures. Oh, some people get old and worn-out and can't manage it in their last few years. So what else is new? But lessons learned when you are young stay with you, and so a lot of the time you just keep soldiering on being honest and brave.
So what you end up with is some kid who will both tell you the truth and demand it from you, and who will step up and do what needs to be done when it needs to get done.
I'm no good at coming up with names for new gay stereotypes for America to start chewing on, but we have to call this new cat something besides NTH, so I'm just going to call him what he is: a straight-shooter.
Yeah, go ahead and make your nasty jokes. I'll tell you what. The puns are intended.
Your typical straight-shooter, that'd be a guy like Robert Stout. Heh. "Stout". Perfect name for the first publicly identified example of the new straight-shooter gay stereotype.
Actually, he's Sgt. Robert Stout, of the 9th Engineer Battalion based in Schweinfurt, Germany. Well, that's where they are now. Earlier, they spent a year in Iraq where Sgt. Stout was wounded by grenade shrapnel in his arm, face and legs. He was operating a machine gun on top of an armored Humvee when it happened, just a year ago this coming May. Now that he's all fixed up and is showing off his shiny new Purple Heart for Mr. & Mrs. America and all the ships at sea, he wants to return to his unit but of course he mentioned he was a homo and so now the Army wants him cashiered.
I think when Sgt. Stout gets finished with his career in the service (or has it finished for him), he ought to go into politics. That's what we want in our politicians, right? Straight-shooters? People with courage and who will tell you the truth? That's what we always keep saying to each other anyway. "We want straight-shooters who are brave and will tell us the truth!"
I'll bet you one whole American dollar that Sgt. Stout would make a classier politician, by far, than the miserable, gutless, lying, manipulative cowards we've got in the Republican Congress right now. By a factor of ten, I'd say. Maybe twelve.
Let me tell you something. Growing up a fag in America makes a man out of you. That's the truth out of which you're new gay stereotype will grow. You're so fucking good at gay stereotypes, America. Let's just see if you have the balls for this one.
RIGHT!!!! ON!!!!! BROTHER!!!!!!
Gods, but I do love you, the way you write, and the things you write about.
And I'll vote for him, if he runs where I can.
Posted by: Xopher | April 08, 2005 at 02:58 PM
(from Electrolite)
Yes indeed. What would you rather have, a straight-shooter, or a gang that can't?
Here in California, with our insane system of term limits, we always need new Assembly members. I'd vote for him. I'd walk precincts for him, happily.
When I read Conduct Unbecoming by Randy Shilts, I was struck by how some personalities could be so well suited for military life. Whether someone belongs there has nothing to do with sexual orientation.
Sergeant Stout should be given the chance to live his life, and serve his country, as he thinks best. Obviously, his judgment can be trusted.
Posted by: TomB | April 08, 2005 at 08:55 PM
YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted by: Deb Wunder | April 09, 2005 at 11:49 AM
Preach it.
Posted by: Andrew Willett | April 09, 2005 at 05:23 PM
What Xopher said.
And, Mike, thanks again for more required reading for the pup. Soon I'm going to owe you fees for distance parenting.
Posted by: Kimberly | April 10, 2005 at 11:11 AM
All well and good, and the young man in question seems like a fine person. There's just one problem: the line between "fearless rejecter of bullshit who's not afraid of having his feelings hurt" and "obnoxious thin-skinned person who labels everything that hurts their feelings as bullshit" can be very fine. The dear relative of whom I'm thinking claims that his feelings aren't important, and everyone around him is just toooo precious. It's all a way of his being as unpleasant as he wants, whenever he wants, and claiming the search for truth and rejection of bull as a justification for flinging dung.
Sorry to get a bit het up, but I endured an outburst from this dear relative just last week, and the description of the new 'type on the block seemed too close...my person isn't gay, though, so maybe he's missing a greater degree of compassion engendered by being at risk (though he was in fact bullied intensively, and is also heavily kinked)---but even if so, I doubt it'd be a universal effect.
Again, the good version of this person sounds great. As for my vote, though, I care more about what a politician supports than her or his sincerity or moral fiber or the like.
Posted by: Mitchell Victor Smith | April 10, 2005 at 04:53 PM
Mitchell said: ...It's all a way of his being as unpleasant as he wants, whenever he wants, and claiming the search for truth and rejection of bull as a justification for flinging dung....Sorry to get a bit het up, but I endured an outburst from this dear relative just last week, and the description of the new 'type on the block seemed too close.
Oh, that would be the stereotypical Wielder of Honesty As a Manipulative Weapon. He's the next hall over. :)
Out of curiosity, what was your response to the Dear Leader, er, I mean, Dear Relative after this most recent outburst of his?
As for voting for people, I try to pick my candidates the same way you do. I think we'd all be better off if we didn't vote for people on the basis of the stereotypes of them their campaigns paint for us. It sounds like the voters in California are starting to have some buyer's remorse over hiring that Stand-Up Guy, The Terminator, for example.
I'm against stereotypes. At least that's what I say. It's what other people say, too, and yet we all still seem to swear by them. My point is, OK, if you can't let go of stereotypes -- which most people, no matter what they say, can't seem to do -- then what about this one? Explain to me why this one isn't just as valid as the Bitchy Queen, or the Whimpering Hairdresser, or the Overmachoed Bodybuilder, or what-all. How come those stereotypes are so enduring? Will this new stereotype be just as enduring? If not, why not?
I think most of us can figure out the answers to those questions, and the answers aren't very pleasant. That's why I asked them. Stereotyping doesn't really have very much to do with the truth about the person being stereotyped; just like your Dear Relative's outbursts don't have much to do with whatever he says they are about. They are about power, manipulating and controlling others, and putting people "in their place".
A stereotype says far more about the person who believes in it than it could ever say about the person to whom the stereotype supposedly applies. That's true of every stereotype, even our new friend The Straight-Shooter.
Posted by: Mike the Corpuscle | April 10, 2005 at 06:45 PM
There'd also be, next to the Wielder of Honesty as a Manipulative Weapon, the Master of the High Horse since he Came Out, and the Auto-Preacher.
Actually, there are Auto-Preachers on all sorts of subjects, but folk who've just come out can barrage you with an amazing bitrate of data, things that if they'd been out earlier would have been the subject of casual conversations for the past five years, rather than a sudden verbal hemorhage.
Interesting thing about this particular Straight-Shooter is that he's already out with his squadron, since with his generation, Don't Ask/Don't Tell has started to fade into Don't Care. Especially during wartime.
I think, as with the end of Jim Crow in the military during WW2, one of the few goods to come out of the current wars is that the Army is going to get over its problem with gays, if out of expediency if nothing else.
Posted by: Kevin Andrew Murphy | April 15, 2005 at 02:20 AM
i have two words for you: john mccain. oh and another two for you: steve may. both military, one gay, one pow. both willing to be a defender of truth and not a party line toting idiot. both willing to stand up for what they believe in and disprove stereotypes. if robert stout were to join them, i'd be just as proud of him too. we need more people in government, straight or gay, willing to stand up for the truth
Posted by: eric L | May 09, 2005 at 06:47 PM