Mother Of All Days
Happy Mother's Day to all those who have escaped physically or psychologically from horrifying moms. And a Happy Mother's Day to all those who are the verge of escape. (Hang on. You are almost there.)
Just remember that even though she gave birth to you, she doesn't really own you. You are an independent being, no matter what skid marks she's left on your soul.
And remember that the gift she has inadvertently given you is the knowledge of how not to be a gawd-awful mother. Come time to have children of your own, remember, remember, remember... You know what you wanted from your mother and never got. You know what you didn't want but got every moment of your waking day. Learn, learn, and remember.
I lucked out. My mom wasn't so bad, as mothers go. But I've been around long enough to know that I truly was lucky; I know that some of you had a really miserable time of it.
So don't feel left out today. Don't feel that somehow this Hallmark Holiday doesn't include you. Take a moment and remember your mom and thank your lucky stars you are free of her. Hell, buy yourself a shlocky card, write a nice little note of appreciation to yourself, seal the envelope, then give it to yourself and open it with surprise and delight.
It's called survival, and no matter what else your mother might have given you, she did give you life and with it that most basic instinct of all: the will to keep going no matter what.
Leave the dishes until tomorrow. Don't vacuum. Don't do any laundry. Take the day off. Do something nice for yourself. Buy a present. Express your gratitude to yourself for still wanting to be a wonderful mother to your soul.
Thank you. Bless you.
Learn, learn and remember. Indeed.
Posted by: Geri Sullivan | May 14, 2006 at 05:55 PM
Thank you for saying this.
I used to feel they didn't need to have a special day for me to hate my mother and be obliged to buy things for my mother-in-law, I could hate my mother all year, thanks. But yesterday Sasha gave me a tea-infuser, which is a fancy tea-ball, and we didn't note Mother's Day in any other way (breakfast at home, dinner in the Gay Village) I find it doesn't bother me the same way these days.
Posted by: Jo Walton | May 15, 2006 at 07:56 AM
How interesting to find this just as I'm finally to the point with my own mother that I actually WANT to call her on Mother's Day!
Haven't done that since...wow, a very long time ago.
Some people can get free of their mothers, yes, and often that's the best thing. And in fact that's a message I'd have heard with considerable uplift five years ago. But sometimes you can come back, with personal growth having occurred in the interim on BOTH sides, and not fall back into the dysfunctional patterns again.
Not always. But sometimes. I never thought it would happen to me.
Posted by: Xopher | May 15, 2006 at 02:20 PM
And I see from your livejournal that you did call her, with benign or maybe even good results. Congrats.
Posted by: Corpsy | May 16, 2006 at 10:35 AM