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June 26, 2006

Mother Nature Is A Slut

When I moved to Iowa from Seattle, I remember thinking after a time... jeez, what is this place, Acapulco? Thing is, I grew up in Seattle and so I thought the natural color of the weather was: gray.
It doesn't rain as much in Seattle as people think, but it's gray, gray, gray all the time. When the sun comes out, it's like the Second Coming. A sunny day in Seattle is glorious because it is so rare.
So when I moved to Iowa where the sun comes out on a fairly regular basis, probably about average, I dunno, it felt to me -- The Seattle Boy -- like I was living in some tropical resort. I loved it.
And then when I moved to New York, same thing. I still had the gray thing in my blood despite three years in Iowa, and so, again, New York felt to me like the Sunshine Belt.
In the years since I've apparently gotten used to seeing the sun on a regular basis. I fear I may have even started to depend on it.
This past weekend was miserable here. Dark, gray, wet, hot. It's like living under a wet wool blanket when it gets like this. So today is Monday, I get up: gray and dark again.
Okay, fine. The weather has the right to be dark and gray, even in June, if it feels the need. We all have our low points.
But this is New York, practically Acapulco (by my lights) so this gray is going to end pretty soon, right? Another day or two and the sun will be back, right?
From the National Weather Service, here is a clipped version of the "Detailed 7-day Forecast":
Today...Mostly cloudy with scattered showers...And possibly an afternoon thunderstorm.
Tuesday...Mostly cloudy in the morning...Then becoming partly cloudy. A 20 percent chance of showers.
Wednesday...Showers likely with a slight chance of thunderstorms.
Thursday...Mostly cloudy. A chance of showers and thunderstorms in the afternoon.
Friday...Mostly cloudy with a chance of showers. A chance of thunderstorms in the afternoon.
Saturday...Mostly cloudy. A chance of showers in the morning...Then a chance of showers and thunderstorms in the afternoon.
Sunday...Mostly cloudy. A chance of showers in the morning...Then a chance of showers and thunderstorms in the afternoon.

And so, therefore, here is the summary 7-day forecast for The Corpuscle:

Grumpy, with sparsely scattered jokes. Chance of scowls in the afternoons and evenings. Partial clearing in the morning after a cup of coffee, followed mostly by heavy spleen.

So, you know, like your momma told you, dress for the weather.


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My sympathies for your light-deprived dampness. Any time you want to send some of that rain to Tennessee, we'll take it.

I must note that when I came to Iowa from southern Missouri, my first thought was "It's getting chilly earlier than usual," along about late September. This was folllowed by "OK, enough with the snow already," sometime in late January.

I am so NOT a winter person.

January? Some years, try March.

When I was getting ready to leave Seattle for Iowa, some people told me, "You know, they have snow in Iowa for six months at a time." I laughed, merely. What did they think I was? Some kind of Roooob? Six months. Right.

I wasn't laughing so much later on. Jesus, sometimes just walking to class was like trying to make it to the North Pole. I'm serious. Huge expanses of deep snow, and a wind-chill factor of 70 below.

BTW, did I know you lived in Iowa? Were you in school there?

I grew up in the midwest, but I lived in NYC so long that when I moved back to Michigan in the summer of 2000, I'd forgotten how damned gray it is here in the winter. November, December and January in particular are brutal, averaging around 65-70% of days being cloudy. This past winter I took note of a stretch of something like 9 days in a row where I didn't once see any sunshine.

Oh, and it snows here. Not a lot, at least compared to where I grew up in the Ohio snowbelt, but until what seems rather late in the spring. Significant snow in early April is generally expected. And bugs the crap out of me because April is spring, and I want to be outside splashing in puddles and so forth. Last year we got 5+ inches on April 23-25. Other parts of Michigan got a foot of snow from that storm. Yeesh.

Of course, a dozen Canadians will now rush in and tell me what a woose I am, but there you have it.

No, I don't think you did know--I went to Grinnell College, back in the 1970s.

I remember the times there was snow in April...I know I was damn sick of it by January. I grew up where snow was an exciting once-or-twice a winter phenomenon.

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