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Deep Throat Day

I'll leave all the real commentary to others. This, as always, is just me.

It isn't that I thought we'd never know who Deep Throat was; it's more that I wasn't sure I would ever know. At one point during my time here on Earth, the existence of an entity known as Deep Throat was revealed. The mystery of who he or she was lasted for over thirty years, a good chunk of my allotted time here. And now -- again, during my allotted time on Earth -- we finally know who he is.

You know how for the longest time you never really stop thinking of yourself as being about, oh, I dunno... some age in your mid-20s? You can go along for a hell of a long time secretly thinking of yourself as perpetually in your late-adolescence. I recall one time I was sitting in an outdoor cafe with a long-time friend and we were observing passers-by, remarking on their relative hotness. We finally noticed how many of them were in an age group that couldn't possibly -- except in the rarest of circumstances -- be interested anymore in our relative hotness. It was something of a shock. It was one of those moments when you are more or less confronted with the indisputable passage of time, and of the slightly sordid nature of your secret delusions.

It was a Deep Throat day -- a moment when you realize in some incontrovertible way that you will get old someday, and then you will die.

I can't say that for all these years I've been holding out the Mystery of Deep Throat as some sort of talisman to ward off my awareness of the passage of time; I can say, however, that the collapse of the mystery has had the effect of making it seem as if I was.

My God. Thirty years ago, there was the beginning of the mystery. Thirty years on, we have our answer.

Can I really be that much older than I was back then?

Incontrovertibly, I'm afraid.


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