The Corpuscle

Mary Kay over at Gallimaufry writes:

So I've been wondering what to do with this blog.  I just can't do the political stuff at all these days.  Should I give up?  Keep it going as a non-political blog?  The feelings of doubt and guilt have made it more difficult to address these questions and my future plans.  And bottom line?  I still don't know what I'm going to do.  Maybe I'll just let it wither away gradually.

So I posted a response that sort of accidentally ended up being a statement of Why I Blog. I repost it here, on the remote chance somebody might find it interesting, and so that I can find it again later once I forget what the hell is supposed to be fun about all of this.

First, you should of course do whatever feels right for you to do.

Second, I know that I have been blessed (so far) with a brain chemistry that makes me more resistant to depressions than other people. I try not to be Pollyanna, but I am not always successful. I only point that out to make it easier for people to yell at me for being a Pollyanna if I say something that strikes them that way. I apologize in advance because I have no idea what I'm about to say to you. Maybe I will sound like Pollyanna, maybe I won't.

I guess my feeling is that we are all going to croak someday (there goes that Pollyanna in me again!) and so we might as well try to find things that make us as happy as it is possible for us to be for as long as we can. On that theory, I guess I think a blog presents an opportunity for exploring ways to come up with some sort of happiness, no matter how temporary that happiness might be. If your blog is adding to your unhappiness, then I think it would be a good idea to either lay off it, or find a new way to use it.

When I first started, I had delusions of being a Big Shot Blogger. Ha. By now, I pretty much understand I never will be that; I don't have it in me. I don't have the kind of stuff in me that ENTRANCES MILLIONS, or at least hundreds of thousands of people. Once I got all of that, I started feeling like I wanted... well, let me put it this way... I realized it gave me happiness to work on my blog in particular ways... those ways basically amount to: will I find it enjoyable to write a post on that particular thing?

Sometimes I write stuff even I don't get. I just write it because it gives me joy to write it and -- I feel a little bit bad about this, but not enough to stop me from doing it -- I know my small band of loyal readers won't know what the hell I'm on about. The reason they won't know, of course, is because even I don't know what I'm on about. This is one of the reasons why I will never be a Big Shot Blogger, naturally. I just like indulging myself like that. I guess I hope anybody who stops by to read the thing will go: "Hunh." In the same way that I go: "Hunh." Sometimes it might amount to something interesting, sometimes it won't.

I guess all I'm saying is that a blog can be freeing as much as it can be a onerous obligation.

I generally write my entries off-line, in Wordpad, and if I want to share it I paste it in to the "Create a Post" screen. If I don't feel like sharing it, I just put it aside. Maybe I'll feel like sharing it later, maybe I won't. Somehow, that way of doing things relaxes me; it takes the pressure off. It lets me write freely and enjoy myself.

Politics is misery, but politics ain't all of life. Maybe just write whatever you want to write, in a manner that pleases you. Write off-line so you don't have to feel like you are generating some sort of performance for other people. You're just writing to Pleasure Yourself(!) Then if you come up with something you want to share, share it. If you don't, then don't.

Everybody gets depressed in their own way, of course. And everybody finds their own sort of happiness. All I know is that on those occasions when I do get depressed, it's usually because I feel trapped and obligated by a bunch of crap that I (in my brat-like manner) really couldn't care less about.

Writing always has to be fun for me. It doesn't make sense to me to do it unless it is fun. This is why I will never be a Great Writer, of course, but you know what? I'm over that. I'm just into the writing now. Moment to moment. Word by word. Sentence by sentence. Idea by idea.

So I guess what I wanted to say (I know now, because I just wrote it all out) is: if you want to poke around to see if there is a way for your blog to be fun for you, then I'd say give yourself permission to go off the map in any direction you want. If you find someplace interesting, share it, please. If you find yourself in some dull and sense-deadening place, then strike off in another direction. See what's over there. Or, over there.

People aren't happy unless they can find some sort of freedom in their lives. Maybe, like me, your blog could be useful to you for that.

Or, you know, maybe not.