Welcome to the Club of the Living
Dear New Member:
Welcome to the Club of the Living! Our records indicate you have recently joined at the Premium ("Human Being") Level.
Ernest Hemingway (post-membership status) wrote, "If you are lucky enough to have lived in Paris as a young man, then wherever you go for the rest of your life it stays with you, for Paris is a moveable feast."
We here at the Club like to think of ourselves as a variety of "living in Paris as a young man", and by virtue of being born you have taken a place at the table of our moveable feast. As such, you are invited to travel with your fellow (currently) living beings, be they worms or wombats or Wiccans, in the Dining Car, moving through a limited amount of time and space. Enjoy the meal, mind your manners, but remember too that nobody's going to really care if you sit there with your elbows on the table. (Do chew your food with your mouth closed, though. Jesus God, we can't stand that smacking noise...)
When asked for the salt and pepper, pass it in a sprightly and agreeable manner. Make conversation. Make friends. Make love, but do not hog the gravy. You are entitled to behave like a pig, of course, but never forget that doing so will cause you to be remembered as a pig long after you have left the table.
[IMPORTANT: Your membership in the Club is limited. We have a great many beings to eventually seat at the table and, unfortunately, we cannot seat them all at once. Please try to exhibit some grace when your meal service has concluded, though your fellow members will certainly understand this is a request more likely to be honored in the breach than in the observance.]
Be of good cheer and fellowship. "Eat! Eat! We'll only have to throw it out!" Tipping is not a city in China. Not responsible for lost articles, and finally...
All you need is love. And a little bouquet garni.