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Vagina Monologue

A piece of advice: Beware of actually listening to NPR News as soon as you turn the radio on in the morning.

Instead, do it this way: First plug your ears, then turn the radio on (use your elbow), and once you sense you are actually ready to hear what the radio is saying, slowing remove your fingers from your ears.

This morning, still half asleep, I picked up the remote and poked the power switch for the amp and when the NPR Voice came on I heard it say:

"...but this shows how crucial her vagina has become to dwindling energy resources..."

Her vagina? Dwindling energy resources? Jesus. That must be some vulva she's got there.

But then my awakening brain managed to rearrange things for meaning and I deduced the NPR Voice had actually said:

"...but this shows how crucial Azerbaijan has become to dwindling energy resources..."

The problem is NPR actually reports on Strange Places with Strange Names -- things most Americans don't have the wherewithal to hear about first thing in the morning. So, you know, just be ready for it when it comes, is all I'm saying. I take no position on the relative merits of female genitalia vis-a-vis authoritarian Eurasian republics, but I do stand for things making a little bit of god-damned sense in the morning.

I'm sorry, it's just the way I was brought up.


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Man, Corpsy, one of these days I am so sending you a bill for damaging government property when you make me drench the keyboard. The monitor I can wipe down, but the keyboard's not so easy to save.

Oh, you know, just take it out of my lower-middle class tax rebate I'm sure I'll be getting on account of Fiscal Conservatives Who Care About The Little Guy being in charge, and such.

I'm not sure wakefulness is really sufficient. Sometimes the brain just likes to have a bit of fun with itself, and we are just the hapless passengers along for the ride. Those are the days when you walk down the soda aisle at the store and your eye catches on the display of toxic mixer.

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